Just last night some of
my brothers and I were talking about a former diocesan seminarian in our
parish. We were talking about his life as a seminarian, but only on what we
have observed on him because we cannot judge him or we can’t say that he’s like
this and he’s like that. Base on what we have observe on him, as how he
manifested his identity as a seminarian, we were really amaze at him because,
first, he is so intelligent, second, his spirituality is over flowing (it seems
that every woman is afraid of approaching him), third, his loyalty to his
vocation, and lastly, his obedience to the rules and to his rectors. Actually a
priest in our place told him one time, “You will really become a priest…”
But guess what, he has
his own family now; he’s happy with them. He has a stable good job. In fact,
he’s a supervisor in a department store of a mall in our city. Still, he’s a
devote Christian. Actually, he’s family is a devote Christian. His wife is an
active parishioner when she was not yet married. That’s why they got close with
each other before. Their family attends masses every Sunday, carrying his, I
guess, 2 year old baby.
My
brothers who know him and I were expecting that he’ll become a priest someday.
That few years left he’ll be priest someday, and another Panaboan will be added
to the Presbyteral list of our diocese. But everybody was shock when he decided
to go out.
Well,
some of our theories why did he quit the seminary life are: lack of exposure,
one-side focused, and inflexibility. The latter one is my theory.
We
discussed that he lacks of exposure to the public. I think because he considers
himself not handsome that’s why he has this insecurity or fear of dealing with
other people. He has no experience of having a girlfriend when he was not yet a
seminarian. Also in courting, he haven’t experienced yet. I think when he saw
his wife, he was mesmerize and astounded to her because it was his first to
deal with a woman especially whom he can deal with most of the time because of her activeness in the parish.
One-side
focused means that he is focused only in his academic life. I can’t blame him
because the diocese wants the seminarians to maintain a grade. But being
focused only on it makes him closed to the outside world of reality. I think he
lacks enjoyment (guffaw). He had not time on improving his apostolate
especially in talking to the lay.
Inflexibility.
I think this theory of mine is the gist of these two. I think the reason why
did he quit the seminary life is his inflexibility. That he is not flexible
with the unexpected circumstances of his life. Talking to the lay, dealing with
the youth, then later on, court them and become their boyfriend, I think a
flexible seminarian can deal with this dilemma, which is common to all of us. .
.
But
as I reflected upon his story, I was quite confused, and I felt nervous…
Because
we are almost the same. J
Like
him, I’m a NO-GIRLFRIEND-SINCE-BIRTH guy, but I tried to court a girl. Now, I
feel uncomfortable dealing with many people, but not all the time. I am also
focused on my academic, but, still balancing the pillars of the religious
seminary.
Actually,
one of my brother asked me, “Kar, naka-uyab
na ka?”
I
got dumbfounded. I grinned at him and shook my head. And then, I laughed. After
that question, I was thinking, what if I’ll try to court a girl and make her my
girlfriend?
Out
of the darkness that filled in my mind after thinking that, an immediate answer
comes to my mind. An answer answered by the best “Answerer.”
“Every
experience of a person is unique” my Rector said during our first colloquium.
That was his answer when I told him if it will be okay for me to have a
girlfriend while I’m on my formation. Yes, since I enter I got anxious with
that because I haven’t tried to have a girlfriend yet.
“If
you try to love your vocation, and nurture it, then, no need for a seminarian
to have a girlfriend.” This is an answer
from a newly oradained priest who was a speaker in a Theological Symposium in
our school.
“Is
there more pleasing than God?” this is an advice given to me having my
confession last Christmas break.
These
are the answers God had given me. Actually, these were given already, but I am
making myself worried whenever I talk of girlfriend matter. Now, I am happy,
very very happy with the Lord. Whatever might come to me, though I am rigid,
still I’ll ask His grace to help me accept the changes in my life. Every day I
consider myself like a boat. Because a boat is open wherever the current will
bring it, but still that boat has a goal to reach. I am open to any
possibilities of my life, indeed there are millions, but I can use them or have
them one at a time. But that being open is not being lukewarm with negative and
positive happenings of my life, I have this goal in my life, and that is to
make God happy. Only God knows what will happen because he planned already
everything in our life; and no one among us knows His plans for us. And these
plans are pleasing, good, and perfect. So what are we still looking for?
Actually, the main
reason why that former seminarian went out the seminary is.
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