Entering this life
requires the emptiness of mind on what community is all about or else one might
bury himself in sacrifices and sufferings. In entering here, many speculations about
one another’s potentials in manual work, financial and academic capabilities,
and maturity in spiritual facet of life are digested in a seminarian’s mind.
As a beginner of a seminary
journey, he might experience plenty of difficulties in relating with his
brothers, in following the schedule, in balancing the four pillars of seminary
life, in mending his ways that he is used which are not helpful for his
vocation, in exiling oneself from his family, and in following the Words of the
Person he is following.
The Gospel today is
about living the Commandments of God first before teaching it to others. Jesus
also said, “I came here not to abolish the Law and the Prophet but to fulfill
them.”
But what was Jesus’s
law all about? This question struck me most during the homily of Fr. Rasel. And
with this question he focused his homily.
So what’s the
connection of the experience of a new seminarian in Fr. Rasel’s homily?
Well, as a new member
of this community in our congregation, it is so difficult for me to adjust;
since, I am used to a small number of community. Especially now, that I am the
only one in my batch since my brother who’s with me during my aspirancy year is
an associate. It is so difficult, really difficult, because the community is
already divided with different batch. A loner might feel that he has this
difficulty in realting with them because he might feel that he’s apart from
them especially when they discuss about what they have discuss from the class.
I am a kind person
who’s not used in manual work. It is because I grew up in the city dependent
with my mother and also used with her shouts and screams every time I manifest
my laziness to her. But in entering here, I did try my best to mend that kind
of life. The life of being reprimanded always, dependence to mother’s care and
work, being told of what to do is little by little fading, and replaced by the
life Jesus wanted me to have.
Now, as a person who’s
not used with manual works, I consider myself nothing and useless in the
seminary. It is because my brothers are all good in manual works. They can do
heavy task while I am accompanying them just to prove myself that I can do it
either. Though there are people who are like me but they are so good in their
own field just like in cooking, tailoring, and being trusted by the rector in
things that they are common with each other. Honestly, this puts me to
difficulty. It makes me immature in my discernment. In fact, I planned to go
out of the seminary just because of that.
Fr. Rasel focused his
homily in this: love is doing small helpful things to your brothers. As he said that, I closed my eyes for a
moment, think about Jesus and Mama Mary, and grinned. In short, it makes me
feel happy with my inability to do manual works. It makes me contented that
though this is only my capacity of doing work, whether big or not, as long as I
did my best in doing it with love, there I show my love to my brothers.
That despite of being
not expert with the task I am assigned, as long as, I did it with love and
effort to do it, being strong makes no sense. But being strong in love and zeal
in doing it really makes sense.
Now, I am not any more
hindered with my insecurities in doing my small tasks and others are doing the
bigger one. It is not how big the task you have done, what matters most is by
doing it with love, zeal, and also dedication to God.
And I am so thankful
with this to God. Actually after the mass, I told Fr. Rasel, “Ganda ng homily mo pads, ang sarap…”
This shows how happy I am that God gave me Fr. Rasel to remind me about my
insecurities and immaturities. I am also thankful for opening my ears to
listen, my eyes to witness, my mouth to proclaim to others, my mind to
comprehend well, and my heart to love more His Words.
I am really
enlightened. Really am.
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